Is there anybody out there ?

Kokkola trip was nostalgic! :) sow almost every relative i have there and some good old friends from the past. nice trip indeed. But to be honest, i have really good memories from my hometown, i lived there 21 years of my life. But at the moment i like live in Turku, no going back to north..

and then came the Tuska festival, i went there with my two good friends in crime... 3 main bands didnt disappoint me that i was plan to see: The unholy trinity of norwegian black metal : Satyricon, Ihsahn and Mayhem. Extreme music, the lyrics = not my cup of tea, but i have liked black metal for years now, some see big contradiction being christian and listening black metal, to be honest i dont care, there is so much bigger and important issues in life to worry about, that is my opinion. It was nice trip!

Then back to Turku.. it`s freaking hot in here, i dont like it. ok its nice, but now its too hot.

I think everyone who knows me, knows that i am man with big plans and high hopes.. its really hard because most of the time i see myself being let down and thinking too negative and my plans dont go like i want them to go.. but maybe that is the main problem, like i said earlier, I am trying too much.. but its hard to trust God sometimes and let him plan my life.... when something is not happening i let myself freedom to sink down to misery and self-pity which is really bad, i know it, because normally i am positive guy. i dont know, right at the moment, i dont see any purpose why i am spending this year "free" but i think its natural..

These lyrics express my feelings quite well at the moment :

I close my eyes
It's not the picture of You I see
The impressions, the sight, the thoughts
Are stuck into my mind

My vision is blurred
I can't see clearly
I can't hear Your voice
It's all disturbing my peace of mind

Something inside tearing me apart
Trusting myself to find the way out
Leading me just deeper into
A well of confusion and mourning

There is nothing else for me to do
But to put my hope and trust in You
I know You will lead me through
When my eyes are focused on You

Let me dwell in Your shelter
Let me live in Your shadow
Free me from these destroying plagues
Your faithfulness is my shield and protection

ok, i dont have anything special to say anymore, people, stay true to your vision! dont let anyone take it away.